Ever Shifting Passions

Have you ever wanted to change something about yourself? Not like a huge thing that will completely alter everything you are, but sometimes just a certain way that you act or think. I've been kind of thinking about that lately, and wondering why I am the way I am sometimes. Like, why can't I be happy with one situation? That's confusing. I guess I just tend to set my sights on something, and try really hard to get it. Sometimes though, after I get it and am secure that it won't willingly leave me, I don't want it as much anymore. My mind starts wandering and thinking of a million different things that I could do if I were free of this one thing; stuff that's unplanned and exciting. But letting go would be losing some security, and some other wonderful experiences, and also just really sad. Sometimes it's a relief though, to have to worry about much less. I just wonder though, what could be so wrong with me to make me lose interest so quickly in something that I have, as soon as I know I truly have it. If it appears to be slipping before I'm ready for it to though, I get upset and will work even harder to restore it to its never-leaving state. I wonder if I'm just incapable of placing myself into a postion where I might be able to get hurt. As long as I'm the one that is controlling who leaves first, as long as I know that the other will never leave, and as long as I don't attach myself too much, everything is ok. I don't think it should be that way though. I can't help feeling that other things might suffer or that I may not be as happy as I would by fully attaching myself. Ugh. This situation doesn't happen often, but when it does, it drives me crazy. I don't think I could make it if it weren't for the people that I am thoroughly attached to (and happy to be that way) that will always be there for me no matter what. Basically my mom and my two best friends. Sometimes I think one would explode without someone to talk to.

Love (the kind that will never go away),
Morgan